Closure Closes What?

Up until today, I had not had any means of communication with my ex since January 13th, nearly a month ago. Apparently, I had him signed up to receive my blog. So he received the "The He Loves Me Not" post. So I never had to tell him we were done, he found out through the blog. (I have since, removed him from the list) Today, in the early morning hours, I emailed him, expressing frustration, and looking for closure. And... I did not feel very different after I wrote it. His answers and comments frustrated me further. What did i expect from him? This is a man who no one can expect anything from. What did I think he would say. Did I think he would give me some deep or profound information that would put my mind at ease? Leave me in peace and feeling whole? He's not that type of man. So, because he's unable to give me closure, does that mean I'll never have it?

Can I give it to myself? Do I even need it? What is it? What am I closing when I get closure? Am I closing the imaginary door he stood behind? Am I closing that ''chapter" of my life? Am I closing my heart to him? Those are all cliche's and hallow metaphors, to me. I cannot physically complete any of those task. But I can mentally? Meaning, use my imagination, lol. Is that going to make me feel better? In what world?

Realistically closure could be interpreted as peace. How do I come to peace with the decision I made? We are all satisfied with our decisions when we are positive that we have made the best decision. His nonchalant replies and carelessness. "what could I do?", he says to me. Of all the methods he could have used, to change my mind, to convince me, to keep me... he did none. He fights harder for a good parking space.

I made the right choice. He reinforced that knowledge with his replies. So, though, it was not the, "farewell my love", I would have preferred, he definitely left me with the peace of mind, that he is not, was never, and will never be the right man for me.

But closure? That is not what I have gained. I have openness and the foresight to see people and situations clearly, as what they are, and not what I want them to be.