Training

I am driven by emotion. Many people will say that is an undesirable attribute, unless they are a communication studies major at EIU! Emotions assist us in making moral decisions, building strong relationships with family and friends, and amongst other things, emotions give us the drive to be ambitious. Emotions make us human. In my opinion, our emotions are are strongest attribute, when trained the correct way.

When your emotions drag you into a drunken street fight, illegal activity, or anything foolish... you need to train them. It is often referred to as putting your emotions in check. Our greatest weapon has to be treated delicately, like a Pitt bull. If trained properly, they will protect you, look out for your best interest, and keep you warm while their weight shifts at the foot of your bed. But untrained, they will hurt you and those around you.

The emotion that gets the best of me often is loneliness. My daughter's father pursued with me the tenacity an adult, when we were 13 (little did i know at the time he had seen alot and had to grow up too fast). When we parted ways four years later, I quickly met someone else. He irritated me so i left him, and quickly met someone else. Then he pissed me off. And the cycled continued for over 3 years. I had the worse of both worlds. My emotions drove me to continuously desire a relationship (partly because I was accustomed to it, never really been alone). And my other emotion was my temper. I was so easily agitated, so willing to throw the man away.

In that way my emotions did not serve my best interest. I could not control my longing for a relationship so I tried my hand at being more tolerant... we all see how that turned out. I meta morphed into a door mat. Maybe I picked the wrong person to be tolerant with. Or maybe, instead of becoming more tolerant, I should have tried to suppress my longing for male companionship. My daughter's father truly spoiled me. I did not realize it, until I entered the real world. He treated me like a man treats his wife. He put my needs before his. His mom didn't keep any food in the fridge, but if i was hungry he would spend his last 3 dollars to buy me fast food, knowing full well I could go home and eat, and he'd be hungry all night. He would stand in the rain with no coat (because he put it over my head) and wait with me till my bus came, and many other selfless acts. Too bad he turned to a life of crime and womanizing. But I digress, my emotions drive me to seek out that same type of treatment and companionship in the present. When the truth is, I need sometime to be alone. Some time for self discovery, for healing, for growing, for focus. My emotions will have me up at night texting ex boyfriend's that are ex's for a reason...

I must train my emotions to see what's best for me. But... I don't know how. Open for suggestions...