Two Fold Affections

It is often very difficult to analyze ourselves. Mostly because analysis requires observation. How difficult is it to be the observed as well as the observer? However, I have found that writing down a series of actions and trying to view them objectively (typically from the outside looking in), you can see things a bit clearly.

I am obsessed with such things. I despise time wasting (unless I'm relaxing :-). So when I feel that any person, place, or situation has wasted my time. I will search the seven seas to find purpose in that person, place, or situation. I am a person who needs the peace of mind of being able to honestly say "it was a learning experience", if I can't... I feel foolish. Those of you who follow my blog or simply know me, know that I spent over 2 yrs in a hopeless relationship. When I look back on all he did do, he didn't, lied about, poorly reacted to, etc... I have to ask myself why did I tolerate. Because I am not a tolerant woman by nature. People would always ask me why I liked him. Because they were looking at the way he treated me. I would reply to them with a list of qualities he possessed, (funny, smart, good listener, down to earth,....). It was tonight that I discovered something that we all know, but do sometimes we don not realize we know.

Affections for someone come from one of two places, or both. There's how they treat you, and there's how they are. You can have feelings for someone because of their qualities. All the personality characteristics that you find admirable, desirable, and compatible with your own. This is usually the base of a relationship. The other column, is how they treat you. This person calls me often, brings me flowers, showers me with words of affirmation. I always liked Mr. R. Never liked the nonchalant fashion in which he treated me.

But the interesting part, is that he liked me for the other reason. He lost genuine interest in me a couple months into the dating because I pushed for a commitment. But he hung around, because I was willing to hop in my car and come to him, where ever he was ... no matter what I was doing or where I was at. His college career was ending when we met. I would send him encouraging texts before each interview. I never with held sex, helped him with anything he asked me too, even cleaned his filthy apartment.

So together we remained... we would part ways only to connect again... because I dug him... and he dug the way I treated him. Simple right? It didn't use to seem so. I could not understand why a man who said he did not love me, could not let me go. To be honest... his actions were reminiscent of a woman dating a man in medical school who she doesn't like. He liked what I had to offer: both what I currently brought to the table as well as the finances and potential (he perceived) I would bring to the table later on down the line.

So what did I learn? Again, fairly simple. Affections for anyone must come from both categories. The person's personality as well as how they treat you. If either of you are trying to build a relationship, neglecting the other column.. the house will collapse.