FEED ME

I am confused. That is not a common emotion for me. I am usually so sure (or at least I always feel sure). But now, I don't know what I'm feeling from one moment to the next. I thought I was lonely after the demise of my relationship. But recently, I received a medium/large amount of attention from a cute guy. He was cute and funny, and there was a time when I really liked him (but I had a man). However, I was annoyed by the attention. I couldn't wait for the kisses to end, for him to let go during the hug, and for him to get out when I decided the visit should be ending. It has been 24 hrs since I saw him.. and now I am lonely. But I do not long for his presence. What is my problem. He's attractive, attentive, funny, and I liked or like him. I want to be alone but I don't want to be alone. I am lonely, but I'm crowded. So, what is it that plagues me? Perhaps, the problem is that I'm not lonely. Maybe I am bored. When I don't have anything to do, my first urge is to be sociable. I want to talk. When I have no one to talk to, I interpret it as loneliness. But I could call anyone. I have friends. I have family. If I want to talk so bad, why don't I make the call?? Maybe because phone calls, text messages, and IM's are like samples at the super market. I can never get enough. They are no substitute for a real meal. My equivalent of a real meal in regards of conversation is an in person conversation. It's the best. A conversation about something of substance with somebody of substance is the heartiest meal of all. So maybe I'm not lonely, maybe I am hungry. But the food I need is not readily available in my refrigerator, so I stay up all hours of the night, starving; eating samples... not until I'm full.. but until I'm tired of them. So now that I have gotten to the root of my issue. How can I solve it? I will never have a person willing/able to come to my home, at my beckon call, accompanied by an interesting conversation piece. So what is the solution. I cannot even entertain talking to myself like some type of whack job. But I could... write to myself. I am not as hungry as I was, when I began this composition. And after I finish this. I'll go back and read it about three times. I always do that, lol. I don't even know why. I am certainly not looking for errors. I used spell check for that. I am not full now. But my hunger pain has went away. There aren't always perfect solutions. Sometimes, all we have are substitutions. I believe I have found a suitable substitution, for the time being. How do you fill your tummy??