Me NOT We

I have always been relationship-ie..lol. Meaning, whenever I made a decision, I would always think of the ways this decision positively or negatively would affect the relationship I was in. When my daughter's father and I were young; I begged my mom to transfer me to the high school he went to. I gave her a lot of bull reasons. But the real reason was him.


I have seen so many images of career-driven lonely women over the years. I have seen so many films, shows, articles, and novels that (at some point) describe a woman or women who did away with love, for the greater goal of chasing their career aspirations. They always ended up soaked in regret and unable to have children once they were "Finally" ready to conceive. The image of the old maid has often plagued me. I want to get married and have children (well, more children). I have a real fear of growing old alone or pathetically chasing after men half my age. I know many of you are thinking I'm crazy. "You're only 25", you say to me through the screen... but you won't leave a comment:-)

The truth is, being alone and unhappy are honest fears of mine. However, I have recently had, yet another epiphany. This one stems from something my "dad" said. One of the only useful things he ever said, "you cannot put your happiness in someone else's hands". If what makes me happy is my man; being around him, receiving words of affirmation from him, and being flattered when he comes home bearing gifts... what happens when he's not around, when he's not saying anything sweet, and when he's empty-handed on my birthday??

Now, I am not only "not happy", I'm furious. Because the extreme positive emotion I felt when he was attentive has done a complete 180. Living in this way, with my happiness built on what a man is or is not doing, could land me in a straight jacket. If I choose a man, over....anything.... A job, an opportunity, relocation possibilities. When that man does not behave right, cheats me, or even leaves me... what do I do?

But, if I am ambitious; and I pursue a career and a life that is fulfilling.... If my life’s work is something I can be proud of and enjoy... if I wake up in the morning eager! I have found the root of true happiness. A happiness that is based purely on what I do. Not on what someone else does or does not do. This type of happiness is sustainable and unconditional.

Relationship happiness is like the stock market. One minute you’re up... the next minute, your stock has crashed, and you’re stone broke. Even if you had a long term happy healthy relationship... is being "we", ever more important than being "I"?? We have to go out there, chase our dreams, meet or goals (at least the preliminary ones), travel if we want to, and be in a position to open that door every time opportunity knocks. If you ignore those knocks to "lay up", you'll regret it no matter how good of a man he is. Seek YOUR happiness, not "our" happiness. And ALL happiness will come to you.